Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
