i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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