i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I supernannyed him into submission
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
