I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
