Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
