Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
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we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
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his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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