He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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