My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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