Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
