I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
