I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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