the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
