Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
