My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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