Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
