Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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