Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
