Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Randomize
