i need an iv and a liver transplant
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
