my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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