I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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