Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
