Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
