my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
