I hope mine doesn't look like that
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
