Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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