do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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