Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
