That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what day is it and did you see me today?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
