i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
