He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
