I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
