Are we in a gay sports bar?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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