True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
