Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
