Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
