Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
