On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
