i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
