I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
