Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
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he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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