are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
