Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
