4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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