I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
