i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
