so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
