Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
