I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
