So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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