just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
3pm strippers are depressing
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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