I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
