i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
