Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
