I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
