The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
