hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
