So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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