So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
