i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
