When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
