He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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