is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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