Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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