there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's always time for handjobs
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
