If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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