If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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