you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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