i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
