it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
