I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
