I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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