You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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