Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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