You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
