I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
