nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
