hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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