The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
