so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
