Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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