Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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