Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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