nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
